NBA Profile

8:00pm – I’m sitting at my laptop with my trusty ATI TV tuner watching Chris Rock intro the NBA All-Star Game. I don’t know who’s worse: Chris Rock or Dane Cook.

8:03pm – First Allen Iverson sighting – my pick for MVP.

8:04pm – A synopsis of the Kidd trade occurs. Why are we talking about trade rumors during the all-star game? No Mike Bibby mention?

8:06pm – Craig Segar tie examination. Blue and black striped with “real-diamonds”. Simply stunning.

8:08pm – Olden Polynese mention.

8:08pm – Spell checked Olden Polynese’s name. (I checked Google for pictures of Olden Polynese and none were to be found. Did he even exist?)

8:12pm – Jason Kidd talking about the Jason Kidd trade. He wants to be in Dallas. This just in – vegetables are good for you.

8:13pm – Kobe Bryant talks about Craig Sager’s tie. He says, “I couldn’t pull it off.”

8:14pm – Charles Barkley has removed his tie possibly gearing up for another race with Dick Bavetta at the half.

8:15pm – Jason Kidd trade talks again. Keith Van Horn mention. Is it just me or did I just spend a line on Keith Van Horn?

8:16pm – Switches the channel to TSN to see the Scott Tournament of Hearts. Tin Man Vince Carter will not be participating as he has – get this – no heart. Wait a minute, Vince Carter wasn’t even an all-star.

8:30pm – Jason Kidd gets his name announced as a member of the New Jersey Nets. You can see him mouth – not for long, why haven’t they made the announcement yet?

8:37pm – Still no sighting of Wayne Newton.

8:50pm – Duncan off glass. Surprise, surprise.

8:52pm – Kobe leaves the game. Perfect from the field at 0-0.

8:55pm – Bosh’s third dunk of the game. Gets subbed out right after because… umm… Doc Rivers not wanting the East to win?

9:01pm – More talks about the Kidd trade. Keith Van Horn gets another mention. Appearently KVH has many businesses; no word on how successful.

9:14pm – End of the first quarter. East up 6. Still no sign of Wayne Newton.

9:29pm – Teams exchanging blows to this point. Yawn.

9:30pm – Disregard last message. Four ally-oops in a row.

9:39pm – Comments are coming in longer spurts now because teams have started to play defense.

9:40pm – Switches to FOX to see the Diet Pepsi Max Zero Gold Edition commercial with Haddaway. Pretty funny.

9:46pm – Wade jukes Dirk and scores the basket. Dirk’s still looking for his shoes; or an exercise bike to kick.

9:48pm – Half-time. Still no Wayne Newton sighting. When is this guy coming out? 74-65 East.

10:03pm – The half-time show is still on. Can we get the game started please?

10:22pm - Still nothing going on. Basket-exchange.

10:24pm – East up by 12. I can’t remember if Rip Hamilton is wearing a face mask.

10:31pm – An East breakdown shows that all teams, not named Boston or Detroit, are mediocre. This just in – Chris Webber is old!

At this point, I’ve realized the power might go out, so I decide to take a break, hit the showers and regroup for the fourth quarter. I haven’t been hitting my shots and Kidd hasn’t looked for me on the wing. As I come out of the shower, my jersey has been replaced with a Craig Sager suit and a Shaquille O’Neal shoe-phone.

10:53pm – The first shot-clock violation courtesy of Chris Bosh. I blame it on the late pass.

10:53pm – LeBron’s three puts the East ahead by 8.

10:53pm – Dirk answers right back.

10:54pm – The game is tied.

10:56pm – LeBron takes flight… puts up an air ball.

11:01pm – Another air ball this time by Dirk Nowitzki.

11:04pm – The shootout begins. East and West exchanging big time baskets. It’s Ray Allen vs. the West.

11:09pm – A Chris Paul three ties the game at 125.

11:10pm – LeBron James with a MONSTER SLAM. Believe me, that slam dunk called for the caps lock.

11:13pm – East up six with 1.8 seconds left. Time to institute the last shot wins stipulation.

11:14pm – Game’s over. It’s soon time for Ray Allen to collect his MVP trophy.

11:18pm – Well I guess I was wrong – LeBron James wins the MVP – congress appoints George Mitchell to investigate.

11:22pm – Festivities are over; Wayne Newton’s plane must have been delayed. I’m just glad the Pussycat Dolls didn’t make an appearance.

Last year, around this time, I wrote about the NBA All-Star Game and how the slam dunk contest needed to be eliminated all together. I was tired of watching “dunkers” like Chris Andersen, Nate Robinson and the sort attempt a seemingly irrational dunk time after time - only to have the crowd lost by the third attempt. The time implication capped the number of attempts, however, something needed to be done to spruce up the beloved contest.

Enter Dwight Howard.

Last year, Howard dazzled the NBA world showing that a big man could participate, and do well in, a smaller man’s area of expertise. He even showed off his Photoshop skills when he placed a sticker on top of the backboard - going unnoticed until he pointed to the heavens. It was marvelous.

Gerald Green ended up winning the event last year, despite a strong showing by Howard, a mediocre showing by returning champion Nate Robinson and newcomer Tyrus Thomas.

This year, however, Dwight would have his way with the contestants. He mixed power with showmanship and appeased the crowd with every dunk. His max number of attempts per dunk was two - that’s right. Not three, five, seven, or seventeen. If he didn’t get it right the first time, he destroyed it the second time. A true champion.

Dwight’s dunks included a reverse, self-pass, windmill from behind the backboard; a self-pass dunk from left to right hand; a throw in dunk in which Dwight put on a Superman cape and shirt; and, finally, a baseline dunk where he grabbed the basketball from a mini-net on the right side of the backboard.

So my descriptive skills aren’t the greatest. Shame on you for not watching the contest.

Dwight’s showing is probably one of the best of all time - ranking up there with the likes of … yes Vince Carter. Carter’s performance in 2000 was phenomenal. He didn’t need props. He didn’t need a ton of attempts. He just did it.

The one travesty of the evening was the judges giving a higher score to Gerald Green on his second dunk, letting him advance pass Toronto’s Jamario Moon to the final round.

Moon’s dunks weren’t all that special, but last time I remembered, blowing out a candle on a cupcake while two handing the ball isn’t really that impressive either. I guess the judges were easily amused by the pink frosting and sprinkles. And since when is taking off your shoes and performing the same dunk worth any points? Sure, it’s hard to jump without shoes, but the same dunk? Good for you Gerald. You really showed you put a lot of effort this year.

In other skills night activities - the Spurs won the shooting stars challenge, Jason Kapono was crowned a repeat three-point champion and Deron Williams edged out Chris Paul in the skills challenge.

I’m trying to save all my all-star game material for the post-analysis of the event, so I’ll dedicate this post to Jason Kidd, the latest “hot-commodity” player to surface who’s name isn’t Damon Stoudemire, Pau Gasol or Shaquille O’Neal.

I’m a huge stats fan. I think they tell a much larger picture then people give it credit for. Sure, there are intangibles like leadership, pride, and determination - but what good are those qualities without the numbers? It’s like me writing a column without any facts. I may have good intentions, but without any proof, they’re just words coming out of the mouth of a bitter 21-year-old.

Alas, Jason Kidd’s name has been tossed around since last summer - starting with Kobe Bryant mouthing off about Andrew Bynum. Since, Kidd has remained quiet, hasn’t gotten any coaches fired, hasn’t unintentionally-intentionally requested any players and has been relatively the same triple-double monster. The difference this year, compared to years past, is that Kidd is actually removing himself from the mess he created in Jersey. 
Instead of getting mad at Frank, Thorn, Vince, Jefferson, or Jamaal Magloire. Wow, what a disaster he turned out to be. Regardless, Kidd is taking the easy way out - requesting a trade, remaining silent - as to appear unselfish - and playing his heart out, 0.36 vs. 0.40 last year.

I hate players like Jason Kidd. He whines and complains, gets people fired and hired until he gets his way and requests a trade because the mess he created is less organized than a drawer of bubble wrap. He got one of the best coaches fired - Bryon Scott. He pretty much stole a sulking Vince Carter from the Raptors. What more of a picture can I paint? He’s cancer.

Kidd is hall of fame material, no question about it. But if the hall was based on loyalty and ethics, Kidd wouldn’t ever appear on the list.

Onto the actual proposed trade and away from my rant.

Apparently, the Mavericks had Kidd, and filler Malik Allen, set in their sights for Devin Harris, Devean George, Jerry Stackhouse, DeSanga Diop and Maurie Ager. That is until superstar Devean George blocked this trade from going down, get this, with his no trade clause!

How did he get this? I have no idea. What I do know is that I’m so glad George had the gull to stand up and say, metaphorically, that this deal wasn’t in his best interest, at least not yet, so he wasn’t going anywhere. Can you blame him? He’ll be moving from a playoff bound Mavericks team to the swamp in New Jersey. I’m not making that up - that’s New Jersey’s tag line. Would you do any different?

This proposed deal will cripple the Mavericks - who are already shallow on the bench. Sure, Cuban is trying to mix it up, but bringing on Jason Kidd isn’t going to prove anything. He’s a champion, a moderately good defender, a “leader” and makes everyone around him better, with the exception of Vince Carter. But can he really improve on an already solid Mavericks team?

Should he get dealt to the Mavericks, their lineup would look something like: Kidd, Terry, Howard, Nowitzki and Dampier. No too shabby eh? Well lets look at what’s coming off the bench: Trenton Hassell, Eddie Jones, Juwan Howard, Brandon Bass, Juan Jose Barera, and Nick Fazekas. Yeah, so basically no one is coming off the bench for the Mavericks.

This trade would cripple them from a depth standpoint and also from a winning standpoint. The Mavericks will NOT win with Jason Kidd. Who is he going to lob passes to? Didn’t he already have Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson with a big man (Krstic) and a shooter (Nachbar) in Jersey? How much better could he have had it?

My point here is that Cuban is making a deal for the sake of making a deal. LA got bigger. Phoenix got bigger. San Antonio’s gearing up. Cuban doesn’t HAVE to make a move. He’s making it to compete in a game he’s already won. If he stays put Dallas will be in a much better position come playoff time.

Sorry Jason, you had your chance. The fans will forgive Devean George when the Mavericks win the title this year - you can bet on that. The New Jersey fans, all five of them, won’t forgive you for being a stat whore and a leader who couldn’t motivate Vince Carter.

Ah statistics, they can only show so much.