NBA All-Star Game Running Dialogue

Feb 18th, 2008 by Brian Chin

8:00pm – I’m sitting at my laptop with my trusty ATI TV tuner watching Chris Rock intro the NBA All-Star Game. I don’t know who’s worse: Chris Rock or Dane Cook.

8:03pm – First Allen Iverson sighting – my pick for MVP.

8:04pm – A synopsis of the Kidd trade occurs. Why are we talking about trade rumors during the all-star game? No Mike Bibby mention?

8:06pm – Craig Segar tie examination. Blue and black striped with “real-diamonds”. Simply stunning.

8:08pm – Olden Polynese mention.

8:08pm – Spell checked Olden Polynese’s name. (I checked Google for pictures of Olden Polynese and none were to be found. Did he even exist?)

8:12pm – Jason Kidd talking about the Jason Kidd trade. He wants to be in Dallas. This just in – vegetables are good for you.

8:13pm – Kobe Bryant talks about Craig Sager’s tie. He says, “I couldn’t pull it off.”

8:14pm – Charles Barkley has removed his tie possibly gearing up for another race with Dick Bavetta at the half.

8:15pm – Jason Kidd trade talks again. Keith Van Horn mention. Is it just me or did I just spend a line on Keith Van Horn?

8:16pm – Switches the channel to TSN to see the Scott Tournament of Hearts. Tin Man Vince Carter will not be participating as he has – get this – no heart. Wait a minute, Vince Carter wasn’t even an all-star.

8:30pm – Jason Kidd gets his name announced as a member of the New Jersey Nets. You can see him mouth – not for long, why haven’t they made the announcement yet?

8:37pm – Still no sighting of Wayne Newton.

8:50pm – Duncan off glass. Surprise, surprise.

8:52pm – Kobe leaves the game. Perfect from the field at 0-0.

8:55pm – Bosh’s third dunk of the game. Gets subbed out right after because… umm… Doc Rivers not wanting the East to win?

9:01pm – More talks about the Kidd trade. Keith Van Horn gets another mention. Appearently KVH has many businesses; no word on how successful. KVH

9:14pm – End of the first quarter. East up 6. Still no sign of Wayne Newton.

9:29pm – Teams exchanging blows to this point. Yawn.

9:30pm – Disregard last message. Four ally-oops in a row.

9:39pm – Comments are coming in longer spurts now because teams have started to play defense.

9:40pm – Switches to FOX to see the Diet Pepsi Max Zero Gold Edition commercial with Haddaway. Pretty funny.

9:46pm – Wade jukes Dirk and scores the basket. Dirk’s still looking for his shoes; or an exercise bike to kick.

9:48pm – Half-time. Still no Wayne Newton sighting. When is this guy coming out? 74-65 East.

10:03pm – The half-time show is still on. Can we get the game started please?

10:22pm - Still nothing going on. Basket-exchange.

10:24pm – East up by 12. I can’t remember if Rip Hamilton is wearing a face mask. RIP

10:31pm – An East breakdown shows that all teams, not named Boston or Detroit, are mediocre. This just in – Chris Webber is old!

At this point, I’ve realized the power might go out, so I decide to take a break, hit the showers and regroup for the fourth quarter. I haven’t been hitting my shots and Kidd hasn’t looked for me on the wing. As I come out of the shower, my jersey has been replaced with a Craig Sager suit and a Shaquille O’Neal shoe-phone.

10:53pm – The first shot-clock violation courtesy of Chris Bosh. I blame it on the late pass.

10:53pm – LeBron’s three puts the East ahead by 8. Shoe Phone